Sigh.

There's a downside to losing weight and getting fitter. The fitter I get, the more bouts of depression and frustration I feel over my husband's utter lack of interest in his own health. I think I've posted before that he has type II diabetes and high blood pressure. His diabetes is controlled through medication. He checks his blood sugar twice a day but does not adjust his diet based on it. He eats somewhat better than he used to, but still eats lots of sugar and white carbs. The only lasting change from when he was first diagnosed is switching to diet soda.

I have pointed out that if he changed his diet and started exercising, he could very well be able to go off his medication. But his behavior indicates that he'd rather eat whatever he wants and take the pills.

Since I've been banded, we've had a few arguments because he felt like I was trying to push my new lifestyle on him. He pointed out that I was banded, not him, so he will continue to do what he wants. That is true. I do most of the shopping and all of the cooking, so there, I am in charge. He sometimes asks me to portion out the food, because he has no concept of portion control and still doesn't know how much to serve me. When he serves himself, he usually eats two to three servings at a time. In the past he was a big enabler, and he still will ask me things like "Will you fix me a big bowl of apple crisp and ice cream?" and I'll say, "No, I am just eating a few bites of it, without ice cream. You will need to get your own." It's a healthy apple crisp (made with Splenda, whole wheat flour and oatmeal) and low-fat ice cream, but still.

I know I cannot expect him to care like I do. He is an adult and is in charge of his own choices. But I am very worried about him. When he complains about feeling constantly tired and sluggish, or that his pants don't fit, it's hard for me not to say something. But I don't. A month ago he said that he was going to start exercising with me, but that never materialized. I felt like he just said it to placate me and had no intention of doing it.

I have told him that sometimes I worry that he will die at an early age. I know that's harsh, but diabetes and HBP are serious and he does not take them seriously. My father was recently diagnosed with both also, but he's almost two decades older than my husband. He is on medication but does not have to check his blood sugar, and he has made a huge change in his diet. Although Beau was diagnosed two years ago, he never bothered to attend any of the free seminars to learn about his disease. He would rather bury his head in the sand.

Burying my head in the sand got me to 300 pounds, and I didn't even have any co-morbidities. I just don't want him to die young due to things that he could control. But to him, I'm nagging. It's very difficult for me to deal with sometimes. I can only focus on myself, but it does bring me down on occasion. Like now. It doesn't get me anywhere, so I need to just stop.