Woe is me.

I am so cranky lately. I got fast food for breakfast this morning (McDonalds egg mcmuffin, plus a medium latte -- which I wait and drink 30mins after eating), which of course isn't good for me. Ready for this fill. I realized this morning that Beau has been drinking my protein shakes. They're low carb and that's what he needs to be doing, but if I'd known he was going to drink them so much I would've bought more. They're not exactly cheap, either. Sheesh.

My self-esteem is really low right now. I was feeling really great. I shared some photos of myself with friends and got a lot of compliments on them. They were head shots. So I thought that I needed to take some full-body shots. Not necessarily to share -- maybe, if I liked them -- but to document the changes. Beau took some last night before I'd changed from "work clothes" to "around the house clothes."

I'm trying to take more photos of myself anyway and be less judgmental of them. But I really thought that I might actually like these. 80 pounds down, I should look better, yes? But try as I might, I couldn't like them. I hated all but maybe two of them. I think he took at least a dozen. I look so fat. How can that be? How can I have lost 80 pounds and still be so f-ing wide? I feel like my head looks too small for my body. I thought that the shirt I was wearing was cute and flattering. It seemed to be in the mirror when I put it on. But it does not look that way in the photos at all.

That made me feel bad. If I'm still so big at this point, then it seems like I'll never reach the finish line. I started wondering if my goal weight was even right for me, or if it should be lower. Surely I need to lose more than 47 pounds, if I still have such fat rolls happening right now. I'd be one thing if I haven't been exercising, but I have. They're not just skin flaps, although I'm sure that's some of it. There's still fat in them.

I also hate how saggy my breasts are. I've been a D cup since I was 13, and while they were probably perky for awhile, the sag took over pretty quickly. That's certainly not going to get any better -- unless I got a lift -- although getting bras that fit me would help. I keep thinking I should go get fitted, but I haven't. I don't know how much my cup size has changed but my band size certainly has. Maybe I haven't gone because I worry my size will change again when I lose more weight and then I'll have to buy more bras. But obviously with this much weight gone, my old bras don't fit so well anymore.

So yeah, I'm feeling pretty bitter and blah and all of that. Work is stressing me out, too. At least I'm leaving early today.