Come so far, so far to go.

It's so weird.

I look at that number over there and think to myself, "Thirty-six pounds in 13 weeks is a fantastic accomplishment." I am down two pants sizes.

I can sort of, kind of, see the difference in my waistline. It's more defined. But my stomach seems as fat as ever and so does everything else -- my upper arms, my thighs, my butt, my face. And then it feels kind of depressing, and the negative Nancy in my head says things like, "Big deal. You still have sooo far to go" and "you didn't lose as much last week so maybe you're slowing down for good" and "some people have lost more weight than that by this point." Shut up Nancy, you bitch.

I do still have so far to go. I still have 24 pounds to go until my next mini-goal, even. I wonder if it'll feel more real then. If I'll be able to tell. And then I think back to when I lost weight about six years ago, and was within 20 pounds of my goal weight (I could kick myself for falling off and ending up where I did). And even then I remember still feeling really fat, even while my shorts were falling off of me and I had to comb desperately through the thrift store to find something that fit.

I guess it's because being fat is so ingrained into my identity now that it's hard to change that image of myself. It'll take time.

And I did slow down last week, but I knew I would. It'll be challenging for the next two weeks; I have a lot of events happening that involve going out to eat. Eating healthy at home is about a million times easier than doing it in a restaurant. And it's stressful due to the company. But I know I can do it. I can plan for it, I can eat lighter the rest of the day and find something healthful on the menus (I will peruse them beforehand when possible).

On the other hand, I also remember actually getting to the point where I liked exercise back then. And I'm there again. It's becoming more of a "want to do" than a "must do." I joined a challenge on Spark recently and forgot that it started yesterday instead of today. Part of me wanted to just quit it; if I can't be perfect, why bother? But I decided to just be a day behind and start today. Or I might be able to double up today and catch up. No quitting.