I'm feeling unmotivated lately. Exercise is still OK but eating habits slip a bit. I'm getting hungry between meals again & eating more, which normally says "fill" to me in big flashing letters. But I'm also mindful that my fill doc wanted me to wait until August. And that I need to go a few weeks with no weight loss to definitely know I need a fill. I lost a pound and a half last week.

But I feel a little out of control. Yesterday, I had an Amy's toaster pop (sort of like Pop Tarts, but organic, healthier and tastier) for breakfast. And a lot of coffee with skim milk and Splenda. Not the healthiest choice, but not bad. For lunch, I had a Morningstar Farms black bean cake and salad with lots of veggies. Around 3 pm, I got hungry and ate a protein bar. And then I officially had nothing else with me to eat. By 5 pm, I felt like I was starving. I was sipping my water and walking around and trying to get my mind off it. Starving. I should've just walked to the vending machine in the other building and bought a packet of peanuts.

It is a horrible feeling, but made even more horrible by the guilt of wanting to eat junk. I couldn't fathom going the 45 minute drive home with a rumbling, grumbling stomach, so I hit McDonald's on the way home for a 4-piece chicken McNuggets. Not much damage there and at least it was protein. But I felt bad about it. I could've done much better. For dinner, I had steamed green beans, broiled BBQ chicken and some mashed sweet potato. An hour or so after eating, I exercised. About 90 mins after that, I was starving. Again. Feeling insatiable.

I had some low-fat cheese on crispbread and a little applesauce. And then a few Hershey's kisses. And then a few crunchberries (Beau went to the store last week and bought Captain Crunch, naturally).

This is how I used to eat. Graze, graze, graze. A little of this, a little of that, it won't matter because it's all bits and pieces, right? Ha. Wrong.

Now all of this was only about 1200 calories. But the grazing has to go. It makes me mad, because then I question everything...why did I not eat enough at my meals? Why am I weak? Why didn't I put the right stuff on the grocery list? I was too concentrated on buying the right ingredients for the dish I took to my parents' on Saturday.

This morning, I left early so I could go by the grocery store before work. I bought Luna bars, fruit salad, a pre-made regular salad (lunch), protein shakes and lightly salted dry-roasted almonds. If I'm going to snack, I need better snack options.

My surgeon's nutritionist suggests that we drink 3 protein shakes a day -- one between breakfast & lunch, one between lunch & dinner and one after dinner. Those are the "snacks." But I don't really like that. I'd rather eat solid food if I'm going to snack. Seems OK to me as long as they are high-protein. But maybe I should listen to her...

As you can see there's the word "guilt" a lot. I am the most self-critical person I know. Working on that.