OK. I am losing weight for myself, and myself alone. Truly.

Despite that, it is nice when people recognize what you are doing. I do not expect it and I do not need it, but it is still nice to feel noticed and all of that.

Since my surgery, I've seen my family a total of three times. Once at the end of April, once in mid-May and yesterday. Beau thought that yesterday my mom might notice my weight loss. It is 50 pounds, after all, and while I'm still a lardass and there's a good ways to go, surely that makes a difference in how I look.

But not a word. Either they do not notice or do not want to say anything. In fact, we were sitting outside on their deck and my father was talking about how he was being better about eating sugar (he's a type II diabetic). He patted his gut and said, "I've even lost 5 pounds, can you tell?" Not really. Beau told me later that he had to bite his tongue to keep from saying, "She's lost 50 pounds!" My father then pointed to his lovehandles and said that he wasn't losing anything there. I asked what he was doing for exercise and he said "occasionally" riding his bike. So I suggested he step up his cardio to at least 30 minutes a day, 5 days a week...otherwise, he's probably not doing enough to get results. He grimaced. He hates exercise.

Of course, he ate two and a half slices of ice cream cake for dessert. He thinks the half doesn't count because he crammed it in while putting the cake back into the freezer. But whatever. I mean, it's his body and his life, but it is kind of annoying for him to brag about himself and not even notice all of my work. I had half a slice of the cake; it was damn good, too.

Beau pointed out that I was wearing a top with an empire waist (not that he calls it that, it's the "kind of top that's tighter on your boobs and then flows down"). OK, true. But I still think you can tell.

I should not care. Obviously I do a little though. Part of me still longs for approval. Sad really, I will be waiting forever. A co-worker even noticed and she sees me 5 days a week. I thought it was more noticeable to people who don't see you every day.