No more.

I think I need to take a break (mostly) from the lapband/weight loss community at large. I say mostly because I am part of a few weight loss challenges and I don't intend to ditch those. But I find myself feeling so frustrated at people in general lately.I have a short fuse. They do things that they know are bad for them, ask for advice, promptly ignore it if it's not what they want to hear, and then wonder why they aren't getting the results they want. They don't educate themselves about the band -- a life-changing surgery. They fool themselves. I can see it, and it's frustrating because there's nothing I can do about it. Like an addict, you can't make someone see that not only is it their own fault, only they have the power to do anything about it. I know this will always exist, but it's really getting to me lately for some reason.

I would never claim to be perfect. I am the furthest thing from it. I know I get into my head sometimes and rationalize stupid decisions. I decide that sometimes people don't know what they're talking about (when they really do). Everybody does this on occasion. But ultimately I know that I'm the master of my fate (William Henley quote). I know when I screw up and I acknowledge it to myself. The mind is a really tricky thing. Nobody wants to admit when something is all in your head. But sometimes? It is. For reals.

I tell anybody who I think will listen that therapy works wonders in dealing with not only your relationship with food, but your relationship with yourself. Believe me, I know the stigma associated with going to therapy. But the reasons I became obese weren't purely physical. Yes, there is the simple more calories consumed than burned, but what about my motivations (or lack thereof)? I believe there is a huge mental and/or emotional component to this, and if you don't acknowledge that, you probably won't succeed. I don't think that means everyone needs therapy, but I think too many people discount the whole concept of dealing with the reasons why.

Many people have said that "the band is around your stomach, not around your head." It's so true. The band does not physically stop you from eating ice cream, potato chips, chocolate or a number of other binge-worthy foods. I don't think that some people truly believe that there is work involved here. There is no miracle cure for obesity...just an array of tools that you can use to help yourself.

I grieve sometimes when I'm probing for why I did that to myself. Why did I let myself get so fat and gross and unhealthy? I grieve for the lost time...the time spent mistreating myself. Yet all I can do is make the best of now and live the rest of my life healthy -- mentally and physically.