Cranky crankersons.

I'm just kind of tired of talking about exercising, food and weight loss in general lately. I actually got really last week one night, trying to figure out what to have for dinner. I really wanted pizza. Beau agreed, but he likes deep dish and I like (and can only tolerate) thin crust. If we order pizza, that means ordering two. It also means that I'll end up eating mine for days and days on end, which just gets old. He refuses to compromise, and I simply can't stomach thick bready crust. So no pizza ordering. I came home and made breakfast for dinner-- scrambled egg beaters, turkey bacon and whole wheat toast. I did end up buying some frozen "pizzas for one" at the grocery store so we could each get what we liked. We ate them last night, and of course I ate the rest of mine for lunch today.

Sometimes I don't like having to think so much about everything I eat. I know that's part of having a band and that was my choice, but it gets frustrating at times. I can never just mindlessly eat whatever I want. This is generally a good thing, since that got me to morbid obesity. But it sometimes gets to be such a chore. So if thinking about it is annoying, talking about it can be annoying too. Sometimes I just wish that food that was good for me (bandwise and nutritionwise) would just appear in front of me with no thought or effort. But it won't. So I just do the best I can most of the time.

I quit reading all but a few lapband community/forum things and I might stop those. I feel rude, but I don't have the patience for the dumb stuff people say a lot of the time. I do sometimes respond and try to be helpful, but often people don't want to really be helped. They just want affirmation that whatever their problems are, they're not their fault. Well, I'm not going to tell you that it's OK to drink with your meals. Or keep eating after you know that you're full. Or that it's "normal" to PB every single time you eat and not be able to eat any solid protein. Because it's not. If you want to sabotage yourself, go right ahead, just don't expect everybody to go along for the ride.

I'm also annoyed with people who whine and complain about how they haven't lost enough weight (with the exception of those who have complications, I get that). It's pretty simple with the band. You should lose 1-2 pounds per week on average. If you're not losing that much, there are things that you look at. Are you following the rules? Exercising? If yes, then you may need a fill. If no, then start following the rules and exercising.

I break the rules sometimes. I eat slider foods, take a sip of water with a meal, take another bite of something yummy tasting even when I know I'm full. We all do. But if it becomes the norm, then there's a problem.

As for the exercising...there are a billion excuses not to do it. Time. Money. Lack of fitness. Whatever. If you can find the time to watch TV or play online, you can exercise. You can do it for free, too. And there are exercises for every fitness level. If you have a bad back or a bad knee, there's stuff you can do. You can't feed me all of those excuses because I know them all too well...I used to use them myself all of the time. They were bullshit. I never exercised, OK?

Now I have my routine (which is often a lack of routine, meaning I always do different stuff). I don't stress about it. It's usually 5-6 days a week, and usually 30 mins to an hour. I just do what I feel like and it seems to even out. Some days I just want a short cardio workout that's a total no-brainer. Other days I want to really sweat it up and challenge myself by learning a new dance. Or I do yoga, which is also challenging but also makes me feel calmer. Or I want to feel strong so I lift weights or use my exercise band. I can't stand the idea of doing the same thing every day. And as surprising as it is to me, I enjoy exercising now. It's gotten easier and I've seen the results, so that's a huge motivation. And like I said before, if I go a day or two without it, my body seems to miss it. I haven't missed more than 3 days in a row since March, and that was when I was really sick.

You just have to change. It's not easy to do. It's downright difficult. But you can do it, if you want it bad enough. I believe this.