Fat Acceptance?

When I first learned about the fat/size acceptance movement, I tried to start thinking differently about my body. Of course I believed that fat people weren't any less intelligent or productive members of society than thin people. Thin people aren't better or more virtuous. There shouldn't be any discrimination there when it comes to recieving services.

I knew, because of my own experiences, that the stereotypes are just that. Sure, some fat people do sit on the couch watching TV and eating bonbons all day. But most don't. Some fat people are fat because of medical problems like hypothyroidism. But most aren't. When it came to the idea of unconditional acceptance of obesity, I just couldn't make it work.

Yes, it's possible to be healthy and fit while being overweight according to BMI or whatever ideal weigh indicator you're using. I knew that the people in magazines, the models, the actresses, should not be the standard because they don't live in the same world the rest of us do. You know, a world where you workout for hours every day; have personal trainers, coaches, chefs, makeup artists, hairdressers and stylists; and get airbrushed when you're photographed.

But I knew that being obese wasn't healthy, either. I've always had a strong interest in health and nutrition, so I've kept up with the information about all of the diseases and health problems associated with obesity. I don't think doctors and researchers have all the answers, but they can't all be wrong, either. And I was experiencing some of the physical discomfort and issues that go along with being obese.

For awhile, I subscribed to a fat-positive magazine. I forget the title now, and it's not in print anymore. I was trying desperately to boost my self-esteem by learning about people who apparently were quite happy to be fat. One of the summer issues had a swimsuit spread of fat women in swimsuits, including bikinis. Now if you want to wear a bikini at any size, and you feel great about how you look, more power to you. I think that's fantastic. But when I looked at some of those photos, I was repulsed. I distinctly recall one photo of a woman lying on a beach. She was wearing a very light aqua-colored string bikini, and she had to have weighed close to 400 pounds. She was very tan, too, and I was kind of fascinated at how she got so tan in all of the rolls and folds. I guess a lot of self-tanner?

I envied that she was apparently confident enough to not only wear a string bikini on a beach, but also to pose for a magazine photo. But it also looked, well gross to me. Ultimately, I just couldn't imagine that she was really, truly content with herself. Even if she didn't have any health problems, there's no way that she would be able to fit into various places like booths, rides, et cetera. If she had small children, I didn't see how she could keep up with them. Honestly, I couldn't even see how she could physically get around very well at that size. I've seen people who weighed less than that who had difficulty just walking, taking stairs, et cetera.

I also could never cotton to the idea that the world should change to accommodate obese people because there are so many people that are obese. Isn't that a self-fulfilling prophecy? I'm not talking about some impossibly tiny thing that truly only a petite person could fit into. I mean generally average-sized spaces. If I couldn't fit into a seat on a roller coaster, I didn't think, "they should make these bigger." No, they shouldn't. When it comes to seats on roller coasters, on airplanes, in restaurant booths...they have to come up with some kind of average size to use. It'll always be too small for some people, but the idea is that most people will fit. The seat was not the problem. I was. That didn't mean that I hated myself or thought I was a bad person. But I knew I was at an unhealthy weight, and getting to a healthy weight would mean I could fit into things that I otherwise couldn't.

If we can convince ourselves that the doctors are wrong, and that the world should conform to a new norm, then there's no motivation to accept responsibility for our own behavior. It sounds like denial to me. Or is this just some self-loathing on my part? Maybe a little. But I don't think that's all of it. I think it's just reality.