Forgive me, self...

This is where I can "confess" my terrible eating habits. Good Lord, what has gotten into me? I know in my head that being pregnant is not a free-for-all when it comes to eating. But sometimes I treat it like it is! I developed this terrible need for potato chips and ate them every day for a week in mass quantities. That seems to have subsided, at least for now. But I'm still eating candy and cookies every day this week. I'm also craving (and cooking) heavier meals.

Obviously the "mass quantities" aren't the quantities they would've been prior to banding but any quantity is really not what I should be eating. I feel guilty. The baby needs fruits, veggies, dairy, protein. Yes, I am eating these. But the baby does not need fat, sugar and simple carbs, which I'm also eating and enjoying way too much.

It appears I've put on another 4 pounds in as many weeks. I feel nervous that I'm not leaving enough wiggle room to put on more weight near the end as everyone tells me will likely happen. Obviously I'll put the weight on anyway if necessary. But I was hoping not to hit the half-way mark in the 20 pound limit that my OB set anytime soon.

My mother did not help matters this weekend. She asked me multiple times how much weight I'd gained, and persisted even after I chastised her for being nosy. But she has always been weight competitive with me since I was a teenager. I finally told her and she asked me if my OB had a problem with that. Seriously? I know women who have gained 20 pounds in the first trimester alone. I resisted the urge to use strong language.

No, my OB has said nothing about my weight gain. Now the last time I saw the midwife (there are 3 OBs and a midwife in the practice so I rotate between them for appointments), her nurse did say something. When I got on the scale and she wrote down my weight she said something about my jacket adding on weight. Huh. But then she looked back and realized that I had lost weight the first trimester and regained it.

It's awkward for me because I can't do the 5DPT or "diet" in the traditional sense, to quell the panicky feeling. I can't get a fill. I have to just do my best and accept what happens.

I'm trying to get back to at least 4 days a week of exercise, but I have taken on more work (to make more money of course) and it's difficult to say the least.

But I can do this. As long as the baby and I both stay healthy and problem-free, that's what matters. I intend to breastfeed so that will help with weight loss. And at some point I can get a fill. It'll be OK. I have to tell myself that.

I guess this is my karmic payback for ripping on banded women who obsess over their weight gain in my last entry...